Remind Me Again Why I Dislike Winter?
Giant Dead Legs in the Pond and a Destructive Noselessness
This morning is one of those mornings, be it the cold, the promise of a new-to-us city, or a good night’s sleep, where it feels like anything is possible and magic lingers everywhere. We must just be ready for it, arms, or mouth, or eyes wide open. Maybe it is the crispy cold certainty of winter. I had a dream again, though it is very foggy now, of being with my mom and telling her I learned something about brain ailments and that if we just change the way we eat, we can reverse the falling, and we can climb her back up again. But I wake up and she is still dead — it will be four years tomorrow. In another dream, I was caring for a baby human or a baby tiger that I felt desperately connected to. Then something happened and a diagonal stitched slash where the nose once was, half crossed out the face. My connection or love had vanished with the nose. Nightmares, and yet I wake so dang hopeful.
Everything outside is the dusty dry white of winter. The cattails look like giant dead house centipedes with their dead legs tucked awkwardly, at too-sharp angles against their trunk as if to keep all parts close for their next incarnation. The pond is still low — a mud puddle. If only I was exuberant about the swimming pond now. Now seems the perfect time to go in and dig everything unwanted out, to ungarden the pond. But I am not. I am warm inside and waiting for some magic drift.
But now I must pack and ready myself for a day of travel, family is waiting, and little is making sense.
Winter’s Blooms
A broken piece of a plant
in her yellow ceramic cup
continues to share
petite purple flowers
like sluggish fireworks.
19 December 2024
Why to dislike winter is beyond me. There is still delicate and calm beauty in it.
I love the cycle of the seasons. Winter has it's own pale beauty and I love seeing the bare branches, they make me appreciate the spring and summer flowers when they come. I understand this time of year reminds you of your sad loss, the nightmares are difficult aren't they. I'm losing my mother slowly through dementia, I have nightmares almost every night, I hope one day they'll stop. I hope yours do too and I hope you can enjoy your christmas time knowing that's what your mum would want for you. Sending love.